Friday, 19 May 2017

My problems with women #2

I wrote a post called 'My Problems With Women' almost three years ago. Well, I'm now reprising it.

When I wrote this post three years ago, I detailed my inadequacies and frustrations. Well, three years later I haven't made all that much progress and I doubt if I ever will. I am now almost twenty-seven.

I have reached the point where I don't know if I really care all that much. A therapist I had even told me that I wasn't suited for a relationship. I found this remark slightly puzzling - isn't the desire to find a partner and to settle down universal?

Sexually, I'm frustrated. In other domains, I wouldn't mind having a relationship. I don't get why it should have to be such a big commitment. Starry-eyed mystics wax lyrical as to how love is ineffable and that it is difficult to define. Well, if it simply involves an individual really liking another person, and having these feelings reciprocated, I don't get why it should be such a big investment.

But I don't know if I really care anymore because, the few tentative times that I have tried starting a relationship, it has gone nowhere. I tried speed dating and online dating, but nothing has happened.

I am aware that I am awkward and that I struggle to connect to others easily. I think that many girls just find it inordinately difficult to talk to me in the first place and couldn't possibly fathom the idea of taking it any further. What annoys me is that over the years I have made several friends, all of whom are male. They all appreciate my quirks and like me as a person. It annoys me that I can connect to these people as friends, but I haven't been able to with a woman.

I don't really understand social cues all that well. I am told that I should try to be more sexual and forthright. Well, the few times I have tried to be sexual it has been humiliating and embarrassing. I am quite handsome, so I do get girls looking at me on the street from time to time, but I don't really know how to act on it.

It's also frustrating that I didn't act on this whilst at university. I was there for five years, a really long time. There were some girls there with similar behaviour and interests, most of whom were postgrads. Now that I am - hopefully - about to enter the work force, if I met women now I would probably find their personalities to be a bit plain.

I value my independence. I like to have a lot of time to read, write, listen to music, watch films and so on. I probably find it a lot easier than others to be single because I don't have to depend on others so much. However, I also like the idea of really liking someone and appreciating that person - and vice versa.

So yeah, I will probably be perpetually single.

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